On Estates

I'd be lying through my teeth if I said that I don't lust after grand mansions with sprawling green lawns, granite fountains, and lush gardens. Because I do - I really do. However, because I am in possession of my faculties, I realize that a real estate investment that size is just ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

Although a mansion sounds perfectly lovely - and I'm sure it's nice, for a while - what happens when it no longer impresses you? If such luxury becomes a facet of your everyday routine, does it become ordinary? Usually.

So, it's best to keep magazine clippings from Better Homes & Gardens pinned to the refrigerator so you can sigh longingly at them while your own affordable home collapses around you. Just think: if you were lounging on a handmade chaise while imported servant children massaged your feet and hand-fed you grapes plucked by the president of Italy himself, you would probably have to sacrifice your second Hummer or the elite private archery tutor for your children (which, as we all know, is an essential part of their well-rounded education).

It's true that your split-level is anything but glamorous, but consider your less-than-perfect beginnings a challenge to take your interior decorating skills to the next level. Outshine all those crazies on Next HovelDesignStar of America of whatever they call those decorating competitions these days and prove to your friends (if you've got any) and yourself (at least, if you're easy to impress) that you are worth something! And if getting out of bed is a challenge in and of itself today, just get some slipcovers and a colorful pillow or two and people will think you've hired a genius to renovate your pad. And that faux polar bear rug? Always a good idea, if you're wondering.