Like any other impractical youth, I too have longed for the elegant limousines and stretch Hummers seen in the glossy pages of magazines. Or maybe even just an aluminum box with air conditioning and a functioning radio. Luckily, I have always been on a budget tight enough to not allow for such nonsense. But if you can afford a shiny new BMW, or this monstrous "recreation vehicle" (also known as the rich man's van down by the river), be tempted no longer.
We must overcome these antiquated longings for gilded chariots. Remember: function before form. What use is a shiny car, anyway? Shiny things attract the eye. The eyes of burglars and carjackers. Do yourself a favor and drive a junker. You can leave it unlocked (who would sort through the CDs or an apparent lunatic?), insurance will probably be low, and you'll always make a grand entrance. Chic? Maybe not. But memorable, most definitely. Sometimes we must sacrifice fame for infamy.
From a firmer financial standpoint, automobiles
depreciate at an insanely high rate, values dropping by the thousands as the miles between the fender and the dealership drop away in the rear view mirror. If you simply cannot condescend to be carried in this darling number, reminiscent of the Flintstone's grand mode of transportation, for Pete's sake, buy used. And no, I don't know who Pete is and why we're so worried about what he needs. Just go with me here.
And of course if you'd like to "go green" and save the world and cure cancer with panda flatulence and kitten smiles and rainbow hugs or whatever - you can carpool. Or take public transport. Enter buses at your own risk: be my guest and risk hepatitis. But either way, just promise to leave the limos for your wedding. Or a really big party. Or fun once in a while. Just not all the time, I'd hate for you to be the one Al Gore comes after when he finally creates an sunshine-powered machine gun.
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